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Erthona
~Erthona
| Joined: | Sun Jun 10th, 2007 |
| Location: | Austin, Texas USA |
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| Real First Name: | Dale |
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#1 Posted: Tue Jul 20th, 2010 10:59 pm |
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Much Ado About Nothing
And now we have educated swine,
who have no wit, and too much time,
to not digest, which does not agree,
with their version of truth, yet,
in truth, their truth, is mediocrity.
Self-interest is their only test,
what is good, is what serves them best.
Without a thought, without meditation,
they’ll pass judgment without hesitation.
So play the music, it’s all the same,
for those with tone deaf ears,
much emphasis is placed on pain,
but more is placed on tears.
A play which agrees with their opinion?
Not, “Much Ado”, but, “Let me do,
just as I please, without any huffing.
For to them, right and wrong,
is “Much Ado, About Nothing!”
©2010 ~Erthona
____________________
Please do not take my critique too much to heart,
I would offer Coleridge suggestions on his art.
How long after picking up the brush until the first masterpiece?
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Ted Cherry
Aussie and proud of it
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#2 Posted: Tue Jul 20th, 2010 11:28 pm |
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Good subject, good write. But I think lines 4 & 5 could be better as:-
4. with their version of truth, yet (end comma deleted)
5. their truth, in truth, is mediocrity.
Gee! Now I have typed that, I'm getting doubtful, but will leave it because it shows I, at least, gave some thought to it. Ted.
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Erthona
~Erthona
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#3 Posted: Wed Jul 21st, 2010 12:17 am |
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Thanks Ted,
[I am using irregular line length, and going off meter, to speed up or slow down the reading. This is basically in iambic tetrameter, but varies to trimeter and pentameter, as well as placing two, or even three accented syllables together, such as
"For to them, right and wrong"]
Interesting comment. The comma is there because I want a pause, the yet is actually extra-linear. Technically it should be:
with their version of truth,
yet,
in truth, their truth, is mediocrity.
The order could be either way. I like this way as it is basically saying.
Yet, it is true that their truth is mediocrity. Plus I don't want to unlink the "their truth" from "mediocrity", also I like to avoid split infinitives. if for no other reason I think it introduces an unnecessary ambiguity.
But on the whole, it comes down to a matter of personal preference.
"to not digest, which does not agree" is a similar line, except the "which" is inserted between the two, two feet of iambic tetrameter.
Another example is "Self-interest is their only test".
Thanks for the comment, even if I don't use, it forces me to think about why I did something, and see if I can justify it. It is in line with what I am trying to do with free iambic verse, but that does not mean it works all of the time! :)
Dale
____________________
Please do not take my critique too much to heart,
I would offer Coleridge suggestions on his art.
How long after picking up the brush until the first masterpiece?
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rws
Poet
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#4 Posted: Wed Jul 21st, 2010 12:49 am |
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| Mixing poetry and politics into a strange, self-indulgent brew again?
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Cappuchino
The Capuchin
| Joined: | Tue Mar 13th, 2007 |
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#5 Posted: Wed Jul 21st, 2010 03:23 pm |
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| Have you seen Inception? There's nothing more dangerous, more contagious, than an Idea.
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"We say what we can when we want to speak about the Ineffable One about whom nothing can be said in the proper sense. We must either keep silence or use words in a transformed way."
Isaac of Stella
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Erthona
~Erthona
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#6 Posted: Wed Jul 21st, 2010 04:51 pm |
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Bill,
Yes, I'm a literary pervert, and the older I get, the more perverted I get!
David,
No I haven't. What is it?
The idea here is (and this is as best as I can formulate it presently), that the form should be subservient to the function and not vice versus. Of course he changes can not be so abrupt that they are disruptive to the reading, but I do not know how to put that into more specific language. One thing I have noticed is that line length should, in most cases increase or decrease by more than one foot, and the foot is based primarily on how many accented words are in a line, not a particular meter, although the base form needs to be iamb or, trochee, as that gives the poem a certain amount of cohesion. Also rhyme is not static, but is used to tie lines or ideas together, or to keep the poem on a certain rhythm.
Although this is free verse, per se, there is nothing very free about it, and in a way, more difficult than formal verse, as it relies on one's ear more so than rigid formula. One walks a very fine line between what is a smooth reading and a pile of jangled garbage.
Thanks for the read and the thoughts guys.
Dale
____________________
Please do not take my critique too much to heart,
I would offer Coleridge suggestions on his art.
How long after picking up the brush until the first masterpiece?
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Cappuchino
The Capuchin
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#7 Posted: Mon Jul 26th, 2010 01:35 am |
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| Inception is the new DiCaprio movie and worth seeing. Sci Fi.
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"We say what we can when we want to speak about the Ineffable One about whom nothing can be said in the proper sense. We must either keep silence or use words in a transformed way."
Isaac of Stella
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Cappuchino
The Capuchin
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#8 Posted: Mon Jul 26th, 2010 01:37 am |
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| And I'd also say this is one of your Rhyming poems that I think turned out really well. It comes off as rhyme, though it is near rhyme many times. It feels unforced and reads like regular language patterns... the patterns I like in your other poetry.
____________________
"We say what we can when we want to speak about the Ineffable One about whom nothing can be said in the proper sense. We must either keep silence or use words in a transformed way."
Isaac of Stella
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Serah
non-moving avatar
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#9 Posted: Wed Jul 28th, 2010 12:52 am |
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there are layers and layers of much ado about nothing.
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Erthona
~Erthona
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#10 Posted: Wed Jul 28th, 2010 11:16 am |
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Thanks David, glad you liked it.
I'll try and rent the movie. I love Scifi... Well... as long as it's not too scary! :)
Yes Deb,
We should probably get rid of all those layers, but then we wouldn't have any eggs to eat!
Dale
____________________
Please do not take my critique too much to heart,
I would offer Coleridge suggestions on his art.
How long after picking up the brush until the first masterpiece?
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Cappuchino
The Capuchin
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#11 Posted: Thu Jul 29th, 2010 01:48 am |
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It's still in theatres. Number one at the box office.
And it really isn't that scary. It's more a spy movie.
____________________
"We say what we can when we want to speak about the Ineffable One about whom nothing can be said in the proper sense. We must either keep silence or use words in a transformed way."
Isaac of Stella
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Serah
non-moving avatar
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#12 Posted: Fri Jul 30th, 2010 02:29 am |
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Stop yoking around, Dale. This is serious stuff here.
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Ben Gunn
Vestri visio, meus tergum.
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#13 Posted: Fri Jul 30th, 2010 03:42 am |
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S1 L3
To not digest that which does not agree.
Wow, I think that's the only time I have personally thought something that Dale has written could be imporved by my idea. It'll get gunned down like a zero on a divine wind now, cos it won't fit a syllabic dodecahedric pattern which subsists in the framework of the poem.
I'll go sit in the corner with my pointy hat with the "D" on it...
BG300710
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"Whoever lays his hand on me to govern me is a usurper and tyrant, and I declare him my enemy." Proudin 1849.
"No offense, Ben, but you seem to be born for martyrdom via hard lessons learned in hindsight."
rws 2010
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Erthona
~Erthona
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#14 Posted: Wed Aug 4th, 2010 09:09 am |
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Sorry Ben, I didn't see that you had commented on this. Grammatically you are correct, although as MS Word will inform you, you need a comma after "that". However, as I am already stretching it by an extra syllable... but it's something to think on. I'll have to try and insert it at some later date, when this has become unfamiliar.
Thanks,
Dale
____________________
Please do not take my critique too much to heart,
I would offer Coleridge suggestions on his art.
How long after picking up the brush until the first masterpiece?
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