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rws
Poet
| Joined: | Tue Apr 10th, 2007 |
| Location: | Warren, Ohio USA |
| Posts: | 9900 |
| Real First Name: | Bill |
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| Karma: |    |
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#1 Posted: Thu Jul 22nd, 2010 04:53 pm |
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A Visitor’s Guide to Hell
You wonder why your world
has fallen apart?
Did you hire neo-Nazis
to teach liberal arts?
Soon they’ll park cars
where your office stood
and sell concessions
where you hawked your goods
As a director, what did you direct?
Cultural awareness
to slobbering hogs?
Or fiscal arrogance
to those you’ve robbed?
Lining up the shills
like dominoes
to rape their indignation
and call them whores
until the kingdom tumbled
like whirling dice
weighted so that thieves
could fleece them twice
The world is done with you
so take your crown
and lift the golden lid
when you sit down
A robber who spit
on the virgin night
and bled the inky shadows
bony white
lies among the dead
as if the sea
could pencil in
another pedigree
We are what we are
what we are what we are
The retinal scans
of other stars
Only a fraud whose hoax
turned hope to dread
could take that lonely place
among the dead...
have a nice dayLast edited on Sat Jul 24th, 2010 02:46 am by rws
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rws
Poet
| Joined: | Tue Apr 10th, 2007 |
| Location: | Warren, Ohio USA |
| Posts: | 9900 |
| Real First Name: | Bill |
| Status: |
Online
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| Karma: | |
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#2 Posted: Thu Jul 22nd, 2010 05:17 pm |
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To one and all,
If I've seemed a little edgy lately it's only because I am. I rarely post work as colorful as this anymore (you're fortunate not to have read the preamble, "Your Worthlessness"), but six days after returning from my vacation, i was fired ( in slow motion) from my job. I'm very thankful to have had another position to replace that one and I probably would have been forced to surrender it anyway, but the fact is that my name was attached to an agreement to step down from my present position before I knew that I was being replaced. In other words, a script was written, my co-workers were alerted of my "decision," and I was notified last. I realize the fact that loyalty gets spit on is not news, but it has left me feeling very used and betrayed.Sometimes it's easy to become frustrated with my rage because I tend to have a much more controlled and sure hand directing my thermonuclear tirades. Such has not been the case these past 30 days. I 'm sorry, but I'm not sorry. Where genuine critique/criticism has been invoked, I make no apology. For the rest, at least you understand why.
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rws
Poet
| Joined: | Tue Apr 10th, 2007 |
| Location: | Warren, Ohio USA |
| Posts: | 9900 |
| Real First Name: | Bill |
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Online
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#3 Posted: Thu Jul 22nd, 2010 07:20 pm |
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Ben Gunn
Vestri visio, meus tergum.
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#4 Posted: Thu Jul 22nd, 2010 10:10 pm |
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wow. and I thought I had bilious world views and infected reflections of the world.
This whole piece screams "insanity, unfairness, inconsideration, greed, cheating, raping & reaping what isn't yours to begin with"
It's very powerful, Bill, and it's power builds line upon line.
Shit treatment reveals holes where before your eyes may have skipped past and ignored.
Shitty treatment requires vehemence in return.
Ben 220710
____________________
"Whoever lays his hand on me to govern me is a usurper and tyrant, and I declare him my enemy." Proudin 1849.
"No offense, Ben, but you seem to be born for martyrdom via hard lessons learned in hindsight."
rws 2010
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rws
Poet
| Joined: | Tue Apr 10th, 2007 |
| Location: | Warren, Ohio USA |
| Posts: | 9900 |
| Real First Name: | Bill |
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Online
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#5 Posted: Fri Jul 23rd, 2010 11:32 am |
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| Well, I hope my vehemence hasn't scared people away, but if it has...oy
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Erthona
~Erthona
| Joined: | Sun Jun 10th, 2007 |
| Location: | Austin, Texas USA |
| Posts: | 2327 |
| Real First Name: | Dale |
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#6 Posted: Fri Jul 23rd, 2010 02:05 pm |
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Bill,
I don't find it that vehement. I think most people believe that those who betray, and get a sadistic pleasure out of hurting others will one day get what they deserve.. Of course we would rather see it in the form of instant Karma.
Bill I really like this passage (except I wish you wouldn't cap every first word.
"A robber who spit
On the virgin night
And bled the inky shadows
Bony white"
The meter is slightly off here I think
"Lay among the dead
As if the sea
Could pencil in
Another pedigree"
Maybe
Lay among the dead
As if the sea
Could pencil in
a new pedigree or ( a different)
It doesn't change the meaning to much, and it gets rid of the excess syllable.
I think it should be "to lie among the dead.
Lay means to place, lie means to recline.
Plus you get the double entendre, of to tell a falsehood, and to recline.
Dale
____________________
Please do not take my critique too much to heart,
I would offer Coleridge suggestions on his art.
How long after picking up the brush until the first masterpiece?
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Cappuchino
The Capuchin
| Joined: | Tue Mar 13th, 2007 |
| Location: | Chicago, Illinois USA |
| Posts: | 4517 |
| Real First Name: | David |
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#7 Posted: Mon Jul 26th, 2010 01:33 am |
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| Rough Stuff, Bill. I'm sorry they were so crummy about the job thing. I am glad, however, that you found a new one quickly. I'm afraid I've never tackled that world in a real way. The only Job I ever got for longer than a summer was as a carpenter and that rarely has such mechinations, at least when you're only overhire.
____________________
"We say what we can when we want to speak about the Ineffable One about whom nothing can be said in the proper sense. We must either keep silence or use words in a transformed way."
Isaac of Stella
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rws
Poet
| Joined: | Tue Apr 10th, 2007 |
| Location: | Warren, Ohio USA |
| Posts: | 9900 |
| Real First Name: | Bill |
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#8 Posted: Mon Jul 26th, 2010 02:04 am |
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| Thanks, David.
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Ben Gunn
Vestri visio, meus tergum.
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#9 Posted: Thu Jul 29th, 2010 02:35 pm |
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I still think it spits venom from almost every verse, and more power to it...you can be subtly vehemently opposed to something, anything an abstract "it" for your usually more abstract works this reads like hellfire.The best type. With the enemy in mind, and curdling disgust at a mans treatment in the blank face of bureacracy (spelt rite?)
I STILL like it. And shall continue to do so till further notice.
BG290710
____________________
"Whoever lays his hand on me to govern me is a usurper and tyrant, and I declare him my enemy." Proudin 1849.
"No offense, Ben, but you seem to be born for martyrdom via hard lessons learned in hindsight."
rws 2010
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rws
Poet
| Joined: | Tue Apr 10th, 2007 |
| Location: | Warren, Ohio USA |
| Posts: | 9900 |
| Real First Name: | Bill |
| Status: |
Online
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| Karma: | |
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#10 Posted: Thu Jul 29th, 2010 03:17 pm |
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| Thank you, Sir Gunn of Vehemence.
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Ben Gunn
Vestri visio, meus tergum.
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#11 Posted: Thu Jul 29th, 2010 03:52 pm |
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hey, I have cats and a soft side too. And I've just received an inbox full of shit from my sister, spouting psycho-babble platitudes of me always deflecting ( I thought I was more a Heart-on-Sleeve person ) JUST after copping a similar amount of crap from Kathryn, after I kindly offered to send her dead Mums letters to her onto her new address. Kind thought, yeah? OooooH no, it was all a plot to contact her...
Sorry Bill, I'll delete this from here in a minute when I've calmed down...
____________________
"Whoever lays his hand on me to govern me is a usurper and tyrant, and I declare him my enemy." Proudin 1849.
"No offense, Ben, but you seem to be born for martyrdom via hard lessons learned in hindsight."
rws 2010
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